Comforting Myself

Today was just one of 'those' days. I just could not wake up this morning and after pressing the snooze button for the hundredth time, I finally decided I'm just not gonna go for the morning meeting. When I eventually woke up I just kept thinking why do I have to put myself through this? I literally dragged myself to work today and as soon as I got there I realised it was gonna be a long day!

Our reg was post call so the other intern and I were left with all the ward work and I don't know what happened but the consultant was on a roll today so it was like every patient required something; bloods, urine cultures, stool cultures, lumbar punctures etc. etc. So we worked together, skipped lunch and  I eventually managed to finish at 18:00p.m. (normal working day is till 16:00). While walking to the lab to drop off some specimens before going to my car, I felt really sorry for myself and kept thinking why am I doing this? It's just so weird coz in medicine you can't really put off tasks till the next day - things have to be done coz people's lives depend on it! And as the intern doctor you can't exactly just pass on unfinished work to anybody... so ja.....And then the walk to the car - I didn't realise it was dark outside already and I had quite a far walk to my car. [In any other place (besides South Africa) an evening walk would be quite pleasant.]

Anyway while driving through Edendale hoping I reach home safely - Edendale is not the best place for a woman to be driving alone at night - I had Allah Knows by Zain Bhika playing. The following words really struck me "When you carrying a monster load, and you wonder how far you can go, just remember no matter where you are, Allah knows" When I heard this I was like how stupid can I be, obviously Allah knows what I'm going through and He will never put me through something He knows I won't be able to handle. So I just said Alhamdulillahi Alla Kullee Haal, I mean things could have been worse, so why am I feeling so despondent and being so ungrateful?
I've become a doctor through the will of Allah and Insha Allah I'll be rewarded for my sacrifices. May Allah guide and help us all, Ameen.

Totally Random

Went to The Royal Show today. I went after like 8yrs and I've already made up my mind..... I'm not going next year!! Overall I was totally unimpressed; the animals were cool though - I want a miniature horse!
I was actually quite tempted to buy a white Angora rabbit, but then Amr will get jealous;)


By the way I just had to take a picture of these rabbits - reminded me of Arab style make-up ;)

I love ym kood ;)

Was just going through some things and found some stuff I had written/drawn as a kid. I laughed my head out so thought I'd share it!

It's a bit embarrassing but hey it's good to laugh at yourself, right?

Work of art

Uhm, What language is this?

Translation: I love my book Sabeehah

Translation: I love to paint in the book

 Aww!!

1st Month Over

Yep I can't believe I've already completed 1 month in Paeds. So from Monday I'm going to another ward that's reportedly much more busy! Anyway since tomorrow's my last day, I'm taking some treats for a small party for the little one's. It so amazing and sad - some of my patients were there before I started and are still gonna be there for at least another month. I mean, can you imagine staying in a hospital away from home and your family for so long?

I really like one little boy in particular, he's so adorable but I feel really sorry for him coz he's so sick. Just yesterday he wanted to know from me when he can go home. So I was like when you get better. Then he looks at me and says when am I gonna get better? I looked at his small sad face and was a bit lost for words because to put it bluntly I wonder if he ever will get better - Stage 4 HIV, Disseminated TB, Marasmus - you get the picture? So I just told him I don't know and as kids do he started again with "but when am I gonna go home? I miss home!" It's just so sad, so cruel... this small body has to suffer because of his parents.... even today I had to take bloods from him (again!) and it's really difficult because he just simply does not have veins! So while I'm preparing he keeps asking how much am I gonna take and is it gonna hurt. He tries to be really brave and walks confidently with me to the procedure room but gosh when that needle goes in, he screams like anything and keeps shouting "No dokotela, no dokotela" and I don't know what to do because on one hand I have to get the blood but on the other hand it's like tearing my heart to hear him pleading with me to stop. I just wish they'd develop some other means of getting the results we need from processing blood samples!

I promised to give him chappies before we started so when it was all over and tears dried and I'm busy discarding stuff, he looks up to me and says "Doctor you said you'l give me chappies and can you please make me a balloon from the glove?"

Sjoe! What a day(and night!)

I was on call on Monday in the nursery i.e. Neonatal ICU/High Care - boy was it hectic! This was my 1st call in nursery and the 1st time I worked in nursery as an intern. I'm glad I didn't know beforehand how hectic it would be otherwise my whole (free) weekend would have been spoilt! Ja so anyway it ended up being a 27hr call and I  literally didn't sit at all except for 20mins around 5am this morning because I really thought I'm gonna collapse!(There was no time for supper either!)

Inserting IV lines on little babies is really no joke:( It actually gets quite depressing. I spent like almost 90mins with some babies, poking them like a hundred times, constantly reading Allahumma La Sahla Illah Ma Ja Altahu Sahla and I still failed in some of the prems - they soooo tiny, some weighed just more than 1kg! I had to call my senior to help me out with quite a few of them because I just... failed! I know this sounds dumb but I was kinda happy, you know in weird sort of way, when she also failed with 2 babies! So at least I felt these 2 babies could be described as 'un-dripable' and my self-esteem was restored a tiny bit:) But seriously it is torture to be standing and trying to insert an IV line (alone mind you because the sisters - who only work 12hr shifts btw - are sleeping at the nurse's station!) and having to eventually give up - because you just can't. I was almost wondering if I've just forgotten how to insert an IV line. I almost felt like running to some adult and trying to put up and IV Line on them just to boost my self-confidence ;)

Besides this 'ward-work' I also had to go to theater for C-sections to 'catch' the babies and resus if necessary. We've done a whole neonatal resus course so I know basically how to resus but I just didn't want to be in that situation, so while they were cutting each c-section, I was busy making dua that the baby doesn't come out 'flat'. Alhamdullillah all the babies came out crying loudly Yay:)

Oh ja and then the walk to the lab....don't know if I've described this before, but the walk to the lab is absolutely dreary at night:( The lab is situated on the 1st floor but it's sort of out of the main hospital building and you have to walk down this long corridor that's enclosed with I think it's called corrugated iron? There's places it's broken, so you feel the cold wind and can see the bats flying around (or they may be birds I'm not sure but they make a lot of noise!) Anyway its dimly lit and there's another 2 entrances to this corridor from outside the hospital - 1 near the lab entrance and 1 on the opposite end. It is so scary! I constantly read Haa Meem La Yunsaroon while walking down there and keep checking behind me every few steps until I reach the lab safely and thank Allah for keeping me safe and then the process gets repeated on the way back. (I have tried running but then my footsteps on the cemented floor just adds to the eeriness!) Really wish they'd make it safer.

(Drove home in a bit of a daze - I was just too tired. There was a huge truck in front of me so I took a few side roads in an attempt to overtake it and then when I got to the place I had to join the main road again... yah... the same truck passed just before me!)


[Sorry just realised my post seems to be overpowered with exclamation marks!!!!}

Exhausted!

I'm so totally exhausted! It's like every joint in my body's sore:( Think it's because of going up and down the stairs, coz the ward's on the 7th floor and the lab and outpatients is on ground floor. But really three 25hour shifts in 6days is not cool! Summary of my life in the past few days: On Call, Post Call, Pre-Call, On Call, Post Call, On Call and finally Post Call today:)

Book Review: The House of the Mosque

Please Note: Everything here is just my personal opinion!

Title: The House of the Mosque

Author: Kader Abdolah

Overall I was not tremendously impressed with this highly acclaimed "International Bestseller". The book was purchased in a rush and I did not realise it would be focusing exclusively on Shias - my bad - the book is set in Iran after all (really don't know what I was thinking!).

The story revolves around the lives of the family in-charge of the Mosque beginning pre-revolution and ends post-revolution. I found the pre-revolution part sickening coz it was filled with vivid descriptions of Muta (Temporary Marriage) which was portrayed as something permissible in Islam. [Really, every time I read about this 'temporary form of marriage that is acceptable in Islam', I wanted to shout out "It's only allowed in Shi'ism, Umar (R.A) said it's Prostitution!] Anyway I just shudder to think what non-muslim readers made of this. Besides this, I came across many other practices/beliefs depicted as 'Islamic' without specifying it's exclusive to Shi'ism, as well as some incorrect Islamic History. Don't get me wrong it's not that a book I read has to be Islamically correct or something, it's just it irks me when things are portrayed as Islam, and are in fact not!

Okay, enough ranting! The latter part of the book went at a rapid pace, avidly describing the Iranian Revolution and it's effects on ordinary individuals and their families. It's cruel and heart-wrenching at times and really shows the lowest levels man can stoop down to. 

Overall Rating: 7/10