Embarrassing Phonecalls

1. It was my first call for Ortho and a patient came in and I needed advice from my Reg. So, I got his number from a list in casualty and as soon as my call was answered, I was like " Hi Dr, this is Sabeehah here, I just wanted to know - there is a 6yr old boy here, who fell while playing soccer presenting with a painful, swollen right forearm. Normal sensation, range of movement limited by pain. X-ray shows what looks like a greenstick fracture of the radius to me. So I wanted to know what I should do for him?" That's when I heard a "Huh?" in a very african accent. So I'm a bit confused and I'm like " Dr?" Then I get this reply in Zulu and I'm like oops wrong number! Talk about a waste of airtime! ( BTW I did take down the number correctly - the list had a wrong digit!)

2. The speed dial numbers at the hospital changed about half way through my rotation so I made a point of writing down the new speed dials of certain important departments, one of which was Patient Transport. The following week, I had to organise transport for a patient to a hospital nearer her home so I dialed the number I had and explained the story. The lady speaking to me seemed a bit confused and said something about being a new lieutenant so she would have to ask her superintendent. While waiting for her to get back I was thinking to myself 'since when do the patient transport call operators have titles like lieutenant and superintendent?' Anyway the lady gets back and asks me the name of the prison I'd like to transfer the person to.
Me: "Prison? No I want to send a patient to Madadeni Hospital"
Lady:" Oh I'm sorry I don't think we can help you with that, as far as I know we've never done something like that."
Me: "But aren't you the patient transport people?"
Lady: "No my dear you've phoned the police station!"

Me (Obviously embarrassed): " I'm so so sorry, I think I dialed the wrong number!"
Me to ward sister: "This speed dial for patient transport when through to the police station!"
Sister (after glancing at the number on the page): "Oh no that's not the number, they re-changed the speed dials 2days ago"

3. Me again trying to organise transport for a patient to Madadeni Hospital. After a frustating 45minutes of being put through to someone who puts me through to someone etc. I finally am transferred back to the person I called initially!! So the lady understands my frustration and gives me the number of patient transport at Madadeni Hospital and advises me to call there directly and see if they can help me. So I call the number.

Me: Hi! Its Dr V here from Northdale Hospital. We have a patient here who was initially transferred from Madadeni Hospital. She is now Day 8 post-op and very stable and we'd like to down refer her to Madadeni. I've been making a lot of phone calls but they've been sending me in circles. I really hope you can help me - she's only 16 and would really like to be closer home."
Lady: "Does the client have an account with us?"
Me(do they really refer to the patients as clients??): "Account? I don't know but she was initially transferred from there.What do you mean account?"
Lady: " An account here at OK's"
Me: "Sorry can I just ask where exactly I've called?"
Lady: " This is OK Furnishers in Newcastle."

[This one became quite a joke in the department!]